Sometimes, Life is Hard.

This half of the semester is feeling weird to me. We're a week in, and I feel myself drowning in all of the work I have to get done, yet I'm not sure if I really care about half of it. That half of it being gen eds.

I'm in my last math class of my life right now. And I'm three classes behind. It's not that it's hard, it's just that I'm not a big fan of math. I know, I should feel like oh it's my last math class of my entire life I should take it seriously and go out with a bang but I just don't feel that way. I will always feel the same shitty thoughts towards math. And I will always neglect my work in there. My midterm grade was a C. I can deal with that. Is that sad? I just don't want to care about something right now that I won't ever care about down the road.

That's my main stress right now, balancing not caring at all and trying to care a little bit about math. Other than that, I have my theatre classes, which I love all the same, but they are getting intense. Theatre is hard sometimes, you guys. A lot of people don't realize that. It's just playing dress-up and being weird to so many people. Well, it's not. My rehearsal for the one-act I'm in was a bit of a wake-up call. I'm not as solid with my lines as I should be, which inhibited me so much during rehearsal. I felt so unprofessional, and so ridiculous, wandering around the stage aimlessly as if the lines were just going to pop into my head right then and there. That will never happen.

Something did make me feel insanely better though. My fantastic director had us run my scene without words, just gibberish, objectives, and tactics. I found so much in physicality that I didn't have because I was weighed down by words I couldn't find. It was really cool. Now I'm going to have to use the flash-card method to get these lines down solid. Whoever said learning lines gets easier as you go on was full of shit. It's never easy, and anyone who says it is, is probably not telling the truth.

I'm looking forward to the improv show tomorrow. When I do improv, I feel like I'm doing something right. And so often, I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. It's freeing.

Side-note: Indifference is probably the most dangerous thing to me. Not hate, not love, but indifference. If you truly don't give someone the time of day, it can hurt more than falling out of love, or being hated. Being effortless with someone is truly how to let them know there is nothing they could do to make you care about them one way or another.

This post has been weird and kinda Debbie-Downer-ish, but oh well. I blame the weather.

Until next time, friends!